There aren’t any single good men at the moment in New York City. In fact, that’s what everybody tells us. When Deanna* relocated into the city late 2021 it was her turn to check if there was any truth to this assertion. Being single since her boyfriend of three years broke up with her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time that a secret Facebook group known as Do We Dating the Same Guy NYC appeared as a must-follow. The group featured a thorough prescreening questionnaire and community rules that created a barrier for entry. The group was with 43,000 members. Deanna was interested and so she joined.
The community
The community was created with the very specific intention to assist women in determining whether their romantic prospects were seeing other people – was launched in March 2022. Nearly every major US city is home to a similar group, and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or releasing sensitive information and under no circumstances can screenshots be deleted from the group. No harassment, no blame-shifting and no hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been posted in the group. In the wake incident of West Elm Caleb, one man with whom a number of women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were looking in search of a way to check out others like him.read about it https://datingfortodaysman.com/ from Our Articles A TikTok user mused during the day This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is pretty much the way this group was by the time Deanna joined. Each edition of Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a location for women who are seeking advice on their relationship or make a statement about the men with who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, how they send other women to tempt them on social media-has also become common. It’s easy to get lost in a hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, tales of hookups that didn’t work, as well as memes on the challenges of modern dating. Many of the most popular posts contain photos of a man with his first name, and asking whether someone has matched or dated the individual concerned. The emojis in red are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts that warn the audience of an ex-partner or bad experience of a bad date, usually with a downward-pointing arrow and the scary text See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our choices in recent years and a recent study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples met their spouse online. So it makes sense that the romantic side of romance would change to the digital age. Instead of meeting with few friends over a drink, or discussing the issues with colleagues, we are seeking advice from 43,000 women going through similar-and sometimes exactly the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie,* another group member. Not to say there aren’t benefits, but it was certainly beneficial for me in terms of reframing my understanding of dating. There’s no competition for women with each other, however it is it is holding men to a different quality than I did before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that certain behavior that’s encouraged and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be unsettling if they were displayed by potential suitors. Photos, photos of private conversations, and screenshots shared without the other party’s consent or knowledge are plentiful. Users search through social media profiles almost on a daily basis. And it’s not that difficult for a date to get an invitation to sit on the front row. Although Deanna loves being part of the group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she states. But I’m guessing that you’ll are faced with the issue of there’s this echo chamber of ‘Men’s got us in trouble for a long time, we’re going to take it back.
We are still living in a patriarchal culture
The world is still a patriarchal culture, so until we’re truly equal this online interaction will be different depending on the individual’s background. Yet, can a community like this really have vigilante empowerment on one side of the spectrum and an abominable incel horror on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? This is a hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for those who live, and even date in the same city that the group is based in. The women, as well as the men they profile could be your neighbour colleague, coworker’s friend, family member, or the most of all, a recent Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization that happens when you use the internet, which makes it feel like playing something you play. It’s not far-fetched to suggest this is demeaning the people in both groups, especially when details about private interactions, conversations, and even photos are made public without their permission or knowledge, and often as a means of entertainment.